It's often the first thing most people ask to come the holidays or every chance they get.
It's the kinds of questions, and/or statements that used to make me completely lose my sanity.
"Still, no kids?" "When are you going to have children?"
Wait a minute. That sounds familiar. Have you been there too?
It used to annoy me a lot, and probably others who don't have children, either by choice or circumstance, leaving us in an awkward situation, and feeling snarky and defensive.
Our families are not bothered about it. They never made us feel like we owe them grandchildren. Good parents don't give a crap (sorry for the lack of a better word) what we do or what we plan with our currently empty wombs. We have great parents!
Now, when people ask us, I usually tell them, "we have five". They are called five seasons of love. Talk about a conversation killer.
I can hear you thinking. "Why is it so wrong to ask this question?" you ask. Well, most people don't know anything about it. Most people don't know the stories behind our lives. Because it's something we, or anyone, should not care about in the first place.
We are perfectly happy without kids. We will try our best to remain that way when we decide to, or finally have [five] kids of our own.
Just because we don't have kids, doesn't mean we are leading unhappy, incomplete, unfulfilling lives. On the contrary, in fact. It doesn't mean we are just idling around and worrying about it all day. We don't and never felt like we are missing out.
We've always been pleased with our marriage, our busy working lives, our partnership. Just because we are childless doesn't mean we know nothing of what it's like to be parents, or challenges of parenthood (okay, maybe not all, but some of it), or don't know how to give ourselves entirely to it when it happens.
Don't get us wrong. We love the idea of it. We delight in playing piblings to our niblings and more. Show us photos of them, and we will marvel at how they are slowly growing into their independent selves.
But rather than holding on to an image of what a happy, married life should look like, we are allowing ourselves to be surprised and embrace life with unexpected moments of happiness. I have an uber-supportive spouse. We both have the time to do the work we love and leave space for other things. Gardening anyone? But that's an article for another time.
The next time you feel the itch to ask someone this question, please don't. Or if someone butts into your life and ruthlessly and shamelessly question your parenting plans and child-free/childless choices, don't feel obligated to respond. You don't owe the world, anyone anything. In the end, the freedom to choose, one way, or the other, is no one's business but our own.
We will have kids in our lifetime, that's for sure. Thankfully, there are many ways to get there.
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